Monthly Archives: November 2009

…was, to be honest, not as successful as I had hoped for. She didn't really seem to understand the significance of the day, despite my explaining *several* times. She shit on the television during the Queen's speech, which I'm still not convinced wasn't a political statement, and I can't tell you how disappointed I was [...]

It’s great that you’re so understanding and all, and it’s good that you’ve a great sex life. But if I was your husband, I really wouldn’t want this on the front cover of a national magazine. (Bet he uses a massive black strap-on.)

This happens to all my girlfriends. Yeah, cos I’m so amazing in bed and that. Come to think of it, maybe it’s more of an excuse to get out of there as soon as possible.

NO idea why. Sorry.

“Anyone got a tissue? Actually, can you ring an ambulance first. The tissue can wait. No really. MY FUCKING BRAIN’S COME OUT OF MY NOSE. No, I’ve no idea how I’m talking.” thanks to KC