Walking round like "The Lactator*" whenever you go near your dolls? You know you should probably get rid of the dolls, and perhaps spend more time with real people, yes? If I got a painful, spitting erection every time I walked past a mannequin in my house I'd consider getting out a little more, perhaps meeting some real people, that sort of thing.

Of course that doesn't happen to me. My mannequin and I have long moved to a different kind of relationship; she barely speaks to me any more, and I've a feeling she's seeing someone else. Pretty sure my Henry Hoover has started winking at me though, so…

*Female milk-firing Terminator. I dunno, I was tired when I wrote this.