A right royal doll

Yep, just like Will's Kate. I've no idea what the 'Everard strikes again!' bit means. To be honest, I dread to think why he's called 'Everard'. Viagra and dolls shouldn't mix, should they?

Good to see 'Closer' magazine getting some good cover stories on too. More of this.

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Struggling with this one

That's a woman, right? So it's not like there's a hole in the wall somewhere, so how does this work? Do I want to know? Or is she just rubbing herself against a corner?

Probably got woodchip wallpaper – ribbed for her pleasure.

Thanks to @Hemzoozlefluff for this one.

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It is, isn’t it?

"Life's about taking risks". I agree. One time I went on a date with a pyromaniac, on Bonfire Night, with petrol-sodden trousers on at a barbecue. You should have seen her face when I asked her for a light!

Easy to be disappointed though. "You just don't care anymore. I remember when a Court Order wasn't enough to stop you rooting through my bins and standing outside my bedroom window crying at 3am whilst wearing my stolen underwear. Nowadays you don't even notice I've had my hair cut."

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She thinks she was a Red Indian

I suspect she was just a roast chicken…

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With this bucket, I thee wed…

Who says romance is dead? It's not dead, it's just dipped in a secret blend of 11 herbs and spices, fried, dumped in a bucket and the bones stuck in the bin later. Wet wipe anyone?

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