Erm, let’s see…

How about "Don't look up"? Or, "Help the aged"? Or perhaps just a blood type and the message 'Call 999'.

Any suggestions? Leave them in the comments…

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They also turned her fanny into a kebab, and her arse into a couple of gigantic marshmallows.

(thanks to DG for this)

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Bye then…

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Incredible true story

"Yeah, I took a pack of nurofen plus over there, and was promptly burnt as a witch."

I mean, come on. First off, why travel there to perform healing? If you're a healer, get going here and now, not on people who've been dead anyway for centuries. THERE'S NO POINT.

Second, if you really could travel back there, you don't need to be a healer. You've got magic enough, today. Take some of our medicine, or a rudimentary knowledge of hygiene and science, maybe some medical books and books on engineering, science, agriculture. You could change the world, the course of human history, life on Earth itself for the better. Think how far we could have come since then, with the knowledge we have now given to us in the 1500's – we could become Gods in our own time.

Instead you're on the front cover of a weekly mag with a few hundred quid in your pocket. Selfish, that's what that is. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

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You know what they say…

…'Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen'. This might be taking things a bit far though…

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