That tightness round your chest is probably angina, love.

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Dirty by name, dirty by nature

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I bet Christmas is fun round yours…

You need a flowchart just to work out how you were referring to each other. Is your mate now your stepfather? Is your child also your stepbrother? You're now the stepfather to your mate's stepmother's child, who is also his child. Try finding a greetings card for that in Clinton's.

(thanks to @ChrisPitcher for the pic)

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No, he hasn’t

Part 8 million of a continuing series.

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Both?

One you can count as misfortune, but surely to have both in the loo is plain carelessness, apologies to O.Wilde.

By the way, I'm hoping that these are actual babies and this isn't the ramblings of a mad woman who's created two small 'children' from her poo and stuck Mr Potato Head features on them. Though that would of course explain the odd situation of their birth.

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