This site contains some of the weird and wonderful headlines that feature in some of Britains weekly 'take a break/chat/etc' magazines.

Sad or mad? You know, the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive…

Oh, and someone sent me this, which is brilliant.

First off, you don't look anything like her. Second, a clone is genetically identical, so… ACTUALLY, fuck it. There's so much wrong here that I can't be bothered. I'm too hungover. Here's my advice love: go out, get your hair done different from your dead mother's, realise that there's a fair chance as you get older you'll naturally look a bit like here, and stop being so Norman Bates about the whole thing.

I appreciate he doesn't actually mean that a real, live murderer came to saw his legs off and steal them, possibly for sale on the black market. He probably means that the spirit of the murderer came into his body and stopped his legs from working. Either way, it's clearly bollocks, Derek. Grow up.